wave bye to christmas

So Christmas has come and gone. I think that I blinked.

Anyway, Christmas eve was good and music filled, and I once again (only second time for me) went to the Hearne's house to help cook/serve dinner for some boys (19 this year) at Youth Alternatives. After appetizers and dinner (which still amazes me how they get so excited about the first food that they seem to forget that even better and more food ... i.e. dinner ... is coming shortly, so patience child, patience), they gather around the tree to open presents, graciously given just for them. They, like typical children, absolutely light up with excitement at the opportunity to receive the gifts, even when they are still unopened. It is good to remember (and be reminded of) these simple things - the unbridled response to grace.

So after that, and hanging around with the family as a partially adopted person, I decided to drive up to Austin at about 2am this morning. The traffic at the three o'clock hour is beautiful in its absence. I arrived in front of my sister's apartment gate just after 3:30am, only to realize that I had no way into the complex ... that is, of course, without waking up my sister to buzz me in the gate (I know, Kelli, that you are thankful for that). An hour later, a car finally came and I followed it in. Yea to strangers with access!

I suppose that concludes Christmas. I did not receive my only Christmas wish: that I might be able to feel Christmas, to experience the joy and that excitement of anticipation. My intellectual understanding is not sustaining; I simply desire to feel - to feel the gratitude of Christ coming and to be filled with praise of God's decision to dwell among us. I miss that. Maybe next year, Santa will bring it.



I was reminded recently about my life by somebody else. Maybe this is why I feel dragged along at such a pace ... ?

Within the last several months these "major life situations" have occurred:
-Dad died suddenly
-Was in a relationship with a good guy
-Relationship with guy dissolved
-Moved residences
-Graduated college
-Quit job (that I have had since high school)
-Need to move out again (into storage)
-Will move to India for six months
-Will return to begin grad school

Maybe I am unable to "do" life without packing my plate? In any case, here is Christmas eve. Are you sure it is not October or even November; surely not the end of December?

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."


life, what's that

Christmas continues to draw near ever so slyly, and my days have settled into yet another routine of life, that is a life without school.

Why is it that we live without truly living? Why do we not reach for those passions in life, and instead, settle for a mere existence? I find that my days tend to just pass along, hour by hour. I do not want to simply fill my days with stuff - with work (though that is important financially and in experience), with school (though this too, when I return for grad school, is imperative), and with church (though I long for more and more). How is it that we can live for each day, knowing that now is the only now we are going to get and still live within the present of must do's (laundry, dishes, drive here, do that, etc.)? I think that most people desire a life of impact and purpose and meaning beyond themselves, but what is it that we are willing to sacrifice to quench this good desire? Apparently, not much ... otherwise more would do so.

But who knows - maybe I am the only one this applies to. In any case, there are some half-baked thoughts, but I need to get back to life.