choose you this day

I met an amazing woman recently. She would probably object to being labeled as such. However, what I am drawn to about her is her utter level of honesty - even in group settings, even one-on-one among friends. She is who she is, and she owns her past as just that - her past. She is a survivor of many things, including rape and drugs. Though this helped to create who she is, she is not defined by it. She shares in a manner of unabashed openness. The same things that some may be put off by or uncomfortable with, actually draws me in.

My past is not like hers, but her response to what is and what was is something that I am continually growing in. I reveal me (my ups and downs) and I trust - but still cautiously. Her choice to live despite, to thrive despite, to love despite is an encouragement to me - and also a challenge I choose to take on.

who knows what I am thinking

I have been negligent in blogging for some time. As a person who processes internally, journaling is a fantastic way for what I work out and work through to become "real". I have not even opened the pages to my journal since shortly after my return from abroad. I do not know why I do not write - is it a refusal, or me simply leaving no time because I am, once again, busy with commitments that fill each week, or maybe right now the journal season has waned for me? Whatever the case, without this important step, stuff - thoughts, questions, worries, insights, trivia - stays in my head. It is hard for me to create words from abstractions and feelings and parcels of put-together expressions. Hard not necessarily as in difficult, but as in time consuming.

All of this affects the state of this blog, for one, because I simply do not have complete thoughts to share. But also in another way - sharing with others verbally. "How am I?" "What is going on with me?" even "What are your prayer requests?" I don't know, I haven't asked myself.

On a very side note: I have noticed two (probably more, but I no longer remember) things that have made me smile while running around town. I notice more and more motorcyclists on the roads with their beautiful bikes. I do not know why, but it makes me smile. The second is the Indian population that I am seeing. I go to the grocery store or Walmart or driving and I see salwar kamis suits with those choking hazards that is known as a dupata (all of this is typical Indian women dress). What a lovely reminder. It makes me want to go up to these unsuspecting females and just thank them (and probably scare them in or at least confuse them considerably).