grown-up christmas wish

I heard a sermon illustration at the beginning of Advent that has stuck with me these weeks leading into Christmas. Here is the Tammi version - cut down in areas and elaborated where I want.

So kids have no issues telling Santa what they want for Christmas. They lay it all out there. Announce it to the world. Mail letters to the North Pole. And then they wait expectantly.

As an adult, it is like pulling teeth to figure out what someone wants. "Just tell me something so that I know what to get you" we say. But what do we really want for Christmas ... really? Do we not share our hearts and our desires and dreams because we have had our hopes dashed too many times? Are we afraid that it is simply not possible to receive that which we truly desire in the deepest of our beings?

This is kind of where I am at. I don't need "things"; I don't want "things". I have seem happiness when despair might have been a better answer. I have seen such clinging to hope when life isn't life. And stuff doesn't answer the questions that creep in nor the tears that appear without prompting.

I don't want anything for Christmas because what I want, I cannot have. What is my grown-up Christmas wish? To hug my dad, have him hold me. To have our fun, random conversations. To tell him that I love him. He didn't hear that enough.

So what else do I want for Christmas, something that IS possible? To love life, love friends, love hope, love my God. Merry Christmas all!